I try to have a conversation with my ex-partner.

My experience:

I call him up and he laughs. He tells me that I don’t deserve a cent, that I wanted to leave, so I should have to pay. When I don’t back down, he gets angry. He threatens me, “If you call me about this again, I’m going to tell the kids you’re an irresponsible mother. You’ll see what they think of you then.” I hang up in tears. Once again, he’s turned everything back against me.

Explanation:

In this type of dynamic, discussing or negotiating directly with the abuser is often ineffective, if not dangerous. Doing so exposes the victim to further abuse, manipulation and blame. Children are used as pawns in this dynamic of control and can feel caught between their two parents in a loyalty conflict.

This project was funded by the Government of Quebec/Secrétariat à la condition féminine.